If I had the words that would fix everything I'd be saying them.  Im so very sorry.  I have realized how right you were.  It was wrong of me.  So very wrong of me.  You're 100% right.  I have been a complete idiot.  I owe you so much and I took it for granted.  I want you for the rest of my life.  You're my everything.  Without you Im not myself.  You hold me together and keep me strong.  You're my rock and support system.  You're my best friend and I love you unconditionally.  I never want to be apart from you.  I can't stand the thought of losing you.  I know that I can't love anyone as much I love you.  I know it's cliche and cheesy, but you truly do complete me and make me whole.  Without you I dont feel like my life is worth much.  You have every right to be mad at me and do the things you've done.  I know now that I should have responded differently.  But to just throw our entire history away and not work through this isn't right.  I know we aren't finished.  I know there is more to us.  I know that I can never stop loving you.  I have loved you for over a year now and that is never going to change.  You are always going to be a part of my life.  No matter if I talk to you or not, because you are a permanate ficture in my heart and mind.  I pray with all my heart that you can forgive me and stay with me.  I know that if you dont God will get me through it and someday far down the road I will be ok.  But by no means do I want to lose you.  I truly believe that you are the person God brought into my life as my future husband and unless God takes that desire away, I will always be here, I will always love you, and I will always take you back.

So my life over these past 5 months have NOT been easy at all.  I have faced the most difficult challenges of my life.  There have been many times where I thought, "Lord I'm not strong enough to handle this!", and then next thing I know, that situation is over and I'm on to the next one.  My mentor was talking to me the other day and she told me "Do you NOT see how God has gotten you through so many trials already?  Even the ones you swore you could not take on?"  It got me thinking because God really has done that for me.  He has given me so many trials here of late, and yet every morning His grace is new and every morning He is there to comfort, love, and protect me.  What more could we ask for in a Father?  I have to remind myself daily that His love for me and His cross are ENOUGH.  It is not always easy and I do not always have the best attitude about it, but in the end I know that God never fails.  He cannot and will not fail.  He is perfect.  I look back on the way my life was 5 months ago and I stand in awe of what God has done.  He has provided so much for me and looked out for as His child so faithfully.  I have come to so many breaking points and yet, He has remained loving and faithful to me even when I was angry and yelling at Him.  I have this overwhelming sense that I am finally on a level with Christ that means something.  All my life I have struggled with connecting to the Lord.  I felt like I didn't know how.  I was at a loss, but God knew what I needed.  He knew that I needed to be broken beyond all brokenness I had experience before, He knew that I needed people to come along side me and encourage me daily, He knew that I needed to be tested over and over again for me to believe.  What a wonderful God we serve to know that NO matter what we need to draw closer to Him, even if we don't realize it, He does and He makes it happen in His perfect timing.